were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I have tasted many bathrooms
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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