my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
