while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
