Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize