found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
