my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
