i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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