I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
