i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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