We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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