do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
