My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
