Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
