Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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