Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
