i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize