Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
