I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
