I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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