Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize