Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
