Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
