This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
