I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I need moral support for this bender
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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