i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
