How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
ok first of all what the fuck
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize