You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
