its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
