Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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