I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
