just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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