That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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