Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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