You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
