he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize