So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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