when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
