Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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