i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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