So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
