Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
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