I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
