it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
