Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize