I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
A+ Viking dick
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
