Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
