I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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