my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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