i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
