Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
