That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
