Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
