I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
