Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize