I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
