I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
