you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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