I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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