I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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