i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She told me I should be a condom model.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
