OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Randomize
