what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
