Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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