you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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