good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
