too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
