Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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