So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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