I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
