your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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