you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
