Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
