i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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