im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
