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Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
