And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
