so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
We are two peas in an std pod
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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