dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
