Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
