So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
