So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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