Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
how drunk are you?
Several
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
