I puked a lego.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm sobbing to NWA
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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